Most people don’t actually hate feedback.
They hate being insulted and having it labeled as “feedback.”
In many small and mid-sized businesses, this is a quiet culture killer. Leaders think they’re “holding people accountable,” but employees feel attacked and discouraged. Over time, that builds fear, resentment, and a lot of pretending instead of improving.
Let’s clear this up.
Insults vs. Feedback
An insult compares a person to something negative.
Feedback identifies a gap between where someone is and where they need to be — and gives direction on how to close it.
Here’s the simple feedback formula:
“I observed you do X. Next time, do Y.”
Clear. Specific. Focused on behavior, not character.
“ You’re being difficult” is not feedback.
“ You said X, Y, and Z to the team; next time, it would help to say A, B, and C instead” — that’s feedback.
One attacks the person.
The other guides the behavior.
What Fake Feedback Sounds Like
A lot of “feedback” in organizations is just venting disguised as leadership. It sounds like:
- “You’re not a team player.”
- “You need to get your stuff together.”
- “You’re dropping the ball.”
These are labels, not observations. They don’t describe what happened or what to do differently, so people defend themselves — because their character feels under attack.
When you insult someone, they protect who they are.
When you give feedback, they adjust what they do.
What Real Feedback Sounds Like
Real feedback is grounded in observable behavior with a clear next step:
- “I noticed you interrupted Sarah three times. Next time, let her finish before responding.”
- “You sent that client email without the pricing attachment. Next time, double-check attachments before hitting send.”
- “You came to the standup without your numbers prepared. Next time, have them ready before the meeting.”
See the difference? One makes people defensive. The other makes them better. Real feedback helps your business run smoother because people know exactly what to adjust.
How This Shows Up in Your Organization
If you hear a lot of:
- “They’re just not committed.”
- “She’s a problem.”
- “He’s not leadership material.”
…but very few concrete examples with clear next steps — you don’t have a people problem. You have a feedback problem.
When leaders use labels instead of observations:
- Trust erodes.
- Performance stalls.
- Good employees shut down or leave.
This is how cultures become toxic while still claiming to “value feedback.”
A Simple Checklist for Better Feedback
Before you give feedback this week, pause and ask:
- Am I describing what I observed, or labeling the person?
- Am I telling them what to do next time, or just what went wrong?
- Would I want to receive it this way?
If you can’t clearly say,
“I observed you do X. Next time, do Y.”
you’re not ready to give feedback — you’re just venting. And venting at someone isn’t feedback. It’s being an asshole with extra steps.
Why This Matters for Leaders
If you want:
- Fewer repeated mistakes
- More ownership from your team
- Less drama and defensiveness
Then build a culture where feedback is:
- Specific, not vague
- Behavioral, not personal
- Future-focused, not a replay of the past
This is a core leadership skill. Your systems and processes all depend on people being able to talk about what’s working and what isn’t — without tearing each other down.
If “feedback” in your company feels more like criticism than coaching, your leadership systems need attention, not just your people.
This is the kind of work I help business owners do: turning vague, emotional “feedback” into clear, repeatable communication habits that drive performance.
If you want your managers (and you) to give feedback people can actually use — not just endure — let’s work on it.
Reach out to schedule a focused strategy session, and we’ll:
- Audit how feedback is really being given
- Build simple, practical feedback guidelines
- Shift your culture from defensive to developmental
If you want people to do better, give them feedback they can actually act on.
PS-If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s exactly what’s happening in my business,” then the next step isn’t another planning session. It’s diagnosing your systems.
In a focused paid strategy session, we will:
- Map where your execution pipeline is leaking: structure, roles, processes, or rhythm.
- Identify the 3–5 core systems you need to develop (or fix) to support your next stage of growth.
- Outline a practical, owner-friendly roadmap so your team can see, understand, and actually stick to the plan.
If you want your next plan to work instead of just exist, let’s fix the foundation. Email us at info@germanbusinessconsulting.com.
Stephanie German is a business coach for small businesses focused on strategy and impact who are ready to take action with scalable guidance without the non-sense. She directly works with owners, founders, and leaders through a specific framework to compress time, increase income, and boost productivity. Find out ways to work together here.